Ghost of Alex
by ninaxwings
Summary: Richard's thoughts as he buries Alex and mourns her death. Two-shot.
1. Her Name is Alex

_I never said I'd lie in wait forever_

_If I died we'd be together_

_I can't just forget her_

_But she could try_

_At the end of the world_

_Or the last thing I see_

_You are never coming home, never coming home_

_Never coming home, never coming home_

_Could I? Should I?_

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_All the smiles I'll never get to see_

_Do you ever get the feeling that your never alone?_

_I remember now…_

_At the top of my lungs, in my arms_

_She dies, she dies_

_At the end of the world_

_Or the last thing I see_

_You are never coming home, never coming home_

_Never coming home, never coming home_

_For all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me_

_For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me_

_If I fall_

_If I fall down…_

Everything was muddy from the rain. Richard and two of his people had come back to the barracks for supplies. There were bodies everywhere, it was like a battle had been fought. Richard walked around, surveying the bodies. He prayed that he wouldn't recognize any of them.

"Richard!" one of his companions beckoned to him. He was kneeling by a body in the grass. Richard did a double-take and realized who it was. _No! No! it can't be!_ screamed the voice in his head. As Richard got closer his worst nightmare was confirmed. It was Alex. Who would want to hurt her? She was just a kid. His eyes stung from tears forming.

"Can you tell…what did it?" asked Richard. The man nodded and stood.

"Gunshot wound to the head," he stated "It was quick, Richard. She didn't suffer."

A shot in the head, execution style. Whoever did this had put her down like a sick animal. Richard nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat. It was everything he could do to not cry in front of his men.

"Could you please find me a shovel?" asked Richard "I can't…I can't just leave her like this."

"Of course, boss," he replied " Do you want me to help you?"

Richard shook his head.

"I need to do this alone."

Richard knelt by Alex's body and waited for his men to bring him a shovel. There was blood in her beautiful, dark hair. He smoothed stray strands of hair away from her face and let tears roll down his cheeks openly. In that moment he wished that he had died instead of her.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he said "All I ever wanted was for you to be safe and happy. I would lay down my life for yours, I'm sorry I wasn't here. I'm so sorry."

One of his men came back with a shovel. Richard thanked him and asked for them to wait for him in the jungle. After that they left Richard alone. He picked a spot nearby and started digging. Memories of Alex's childhood flashed through his head. She had been so sweet and loving and gentle. She was compassionate and even-natured. He had helped Ben care for her as a baby. Ben jokingly called him "Mr. Mom". He changed diapers, fed her. He and Ben took turns soothing her when she woke up crying in the night. When Ben became their leader he would ask Richard to baby-sit if Alex couldn't be with him. She loved the beach and the water from the time she was born. He would pack lunch for her and they would spend the day at the beach. One of Richard's fondest memories took place when Alex was six.

"_Hold my hand, Alex." said Richard. They were walking on the path from the barracks to the beach. She grinned and reached up to take his hand. He smiled back and gently squeezed her delicate little hand in his rough one. _

"_Will you come in the water today?" she wanted to know._

"_Sweetheart, I will follow you wherever you go." said Richard. She let out a happy squeal and pulled on him like he wasn't walking fast enough. Soon enough they reached the beach. He spread out a blanket on the sand and took off his shoes and shirt. He was wearing board shorts, he'd gotten in the habit of wearing them everywhere. He never knew when he'd have to go plunging into the ocean or one of the creeks after Alex._

"_Come on, Richard!" she tugged at his arm "Race you to the water!" _

_Alex took off like a shot. Richard laughed and ran after her, he let her win. They plunged into the gentle surf together. She held onto his hands and he helped her jump over the waves. He let her splash him playfully and try to tackle him into the water. Then, there was that earth-splitting moment in which she ducked her head underwater and vanished. Richard ran to the spot that she had disappeared in. _

"_Alex!" he hands tore out uselessly, where was she? Why hadn't she come back up?_

"_Over here, slowpoke!" Richard turned to see Alex standing behind him. She was making deer antlers with her hands. _

"_Oh, my God, Alex." Richard hoisted her up in his hip and looked at her very seriously. "You can't scare me like that, I thought you had drowned."_

_Alex tried to look apologetic._

"_But Richard, you know I can swim under the water now, I'm six!" _

_Richard smiled and put her down. _

"_You are absolutely right, I'm sorry ,honey," he said "I guess I'm just not ready for you to be growing up so fast."_

_He patted her head and she looked up at him demurely. Then she threw him a devilish grin and splashed him._

"_Race you to the beach!" she ducked underwater and was gone. Richard held his breath and tried not to hover after she came back up. She was going to grow up while Richard didn't age a day. He had to accept that._

Richard's mind came back to the present. The beautiful child that he had helped raise was dead. There was nothing he could do to change that. He'd dedicated so much of his time to her. Now it was all for nothing. Here he was digging her grave sixteen years later. He had to keep reminding himself that she hadn't suffered, that she hadn't felt much pain. Had Ben been here? Did he know? How could anything have happened to her with Ben nearby? Richard knew he was giving Ben far more credit than he deserved. In his heart he knew Alex's life had been put on the line and Ben had let her die. The island always came first for Ben. That was how Richard had come to spend so much time with Alex in the first place. He tried to shake the thought from his head. Blaming himself wouldn't bring her back. He thought back to the last time he had seen her. Before the freighter arrived. She had left their camp with Ben, he had sarcastically told her he was taking her to meet her new family. He never should have let her go.

_Alex sat by a fire in the camp, poking at the flames with a stick. She was trying to eavesdrop on Richard and Ben. They were conversing in hushed tones, she could hear one of them pacing inside the tent. It was no good. She only caught a few words. She heard footsteps behind her and turned to see Richard coming out of the tent. He came to sit beside her and stared silently into the fire._

"_These people are really coming, aren't they?" she asked. Richard nodded. "What is he going to do?"_

"_He's going to catch up with them, try to sabotage their plan." Richard replied._

"_Will it work?" she asked._

"_I don't think so."_

"_Is he going to leave me behind again?"_

"_No, Alex, your going with him." Richard sounded worried. _

"_Why do you look so unnerved?" asked Alex. Richard tried to relax but Alex could see he was still tense. _

"_There's a boat full of mercenaries coming for your father," said Richard "A lot of innocent bystanders are going to die. You could die."_

"_Richard, he's my father," said Alex "I know he's a slippery, conniving, bastard but he won't let anything happen to me. I trust him."_

_Richard smiled and held out his hand to her. She took it and squeezed reassuringly._

"_You're absolutely right," he said "I just wish I had your confidence."_

"_In a week we'll be sitting at the barracks and laughing about this, I promise."_

_They laughed together. Richard knew his laughter was hollow. Ben came out of his tent and beckoned to Alex. It was time for them to go. Alex hugged Richard suddenly. _

"_Try not to worry so much." she said. He let her go and then she was walking away. Why did it feel like this would be the last time he saw her?_

Richard smoothed the dirt over Alex's grave and turned his face up to the sky. She was gone, he had to accept that. This was all that could be done for her. He said a few words in memory of her. He talked about the time he spent with her as a child and how beautifully she had grown up. He had always known she would outlive him, he just hadn't expected it to be so soon.

"Goodbye, Alex." he said to himself. He turned and walked away, determined to remember her life as opposed to her death. A sudden breeze danced around him and in that moment it felt like she was with him.

_Unbeknownst to Richard, Alex's ghost watched him from a few yards away. She had foolishly thought her father would come back for her body. It didn't surprise her that Richard was the one to bury her, though. When he turned to walk away from her grave she ran after him and tried to throw her arms around him. It was useless, like her arms were mist. _

"_Richard, please, please don't leave me here!" she cried. She knew he wouldn't be able to hear her._

"_Alex." came a voice from behind her. She turned to see Ethan standing by her grave._

"_Ethan, how are you here?" she walked toward him, not believing her eyes._

"_All of us are here, Alex," he said "Come with me."_

_He gestured for her to follow him and they walked into the jungle together. She kept firing questions at him but his only answer was that she would have to wait and see. They came into a clearing and stopped. Alex was about to ask why when a woman came out of the trees. It was Danielle, her mother. Alex ran into her arms and cried. She looked over her shoulder to see Karl standing behind them, waiting patiently. _

_She wished she could tell Richard herself that she wasn't in pain. That she was with people that loved her. She wanted to tell him that her death wasn't for nothing. _


	2. Dear, Ben

**Author's note: Richard writes to Ben after he buries Alex and Doctor Alpert is not a happy camper over Alex's death.**

_Ben, I don't know where you've gone or what your plan is now but you have to return to the island. Your daughter has been murdered. I found Alex's body in the dirt at the barracks. She was executed, a gunshot wound to the head. This beautiful child was killed because mercenaries came here looking for you. Sixteen years of raising and loving and feeding. You were too busy with the island to truly love her. I loved her though as if she were my own. I hope you suffer for this. In fact if you come back I will see to it personally that you suffer. You were never one of Jacob's candidates It was Alex all along. If I find out you had a chance to save Alex from being slaughtered I will bring you to Jacob himself and he will banish you from this island. Enjoy whatever scheme you are up to now for it shall be your last. _

_Richard Alpert_


End file.
